Personal Journey

Multiple Personalities After Midnight…

Jesus has put so very many things on my heart, speaking to my spirit tonight, just what I’d call “Holy Spirit downloads” if you will.  I praise Him that I am more able to process them and handle more information now that Jesus got me off of the Lithium *led by professional medical supervision* for my good. There was a time in my life when God used Lithium to stabilize me before I was Holy Spirit filled because I was highly demonized and out of control, trying to jump out of moving cars, uprooting a yard full of newly planted flowers, cutting myself, writing Satanic things on the walls and doors of our home, etc… I admit I am still ashamed and not proud of what I have done in my body, but it’s not my body so much that He’s interested in. This flesh will surely pass away. It’s our spirit that lives on forever, whether sealed by The Holy Spirit of God or not. Heaven or Hell. It’s a choice we all make.

Godly sorrow overtook me tonight with a very heavy heart in my chest. My Lord revealed so many things to me. It’s not to condemn me or make me feel guilty but to convict me, build my character and conform me to the image of His Son.

Romans 8:29 (KJV)

For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.


The God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob has truly brought me into a new chapter of the live He’s given me. We are entering into one of the most supernatural times in history. It is now common for me to see things happen in my home that are not of the reality I’ve known these past 32 years, but I see it’s real. Experiencing things changes everything ya know? That is when we are blessed with lessons we don’t have to write down but change our lives and thinking for life. For example, I believed deliverance ministry was not of God when I first heard of it. I grew up in a very religious church and it being all new to me and deviating from the norm was beyond difficult to digest. Have you ever noticed how we like to put things in a box? That’s happened to me lately. I am guilty of casting aside things, people and situations that do not fit inside what I consider my box to be. However, there’s more. Just like how the deliverance ministry God blessed to be a part of for months doesn’t teach inner healing along side it. I know it is the work of the Holy Spirit alone and we as Christians can be called into that sort of ministry as simple vessels for The Lord, but they just don’t deal with or acknowledge it. I was the only one vocal about such a thing that I am dealing with in my heart and broken soul and the wicked way it all came about for me. It’s not all demons. There are parts of us that need healing. Jesus came to set the captives free and bind up their wounds. I think that means my heart needs healing. He restoreth my soul in Psalms 23. The soul or heart of man (mind, will and emotions) can be fractured and broken into many pieces (this is where what the world calls multiple personality disorder comes in–and by the way, mental illness is demonic).

Check out Isaiah 61:1. That’s our King! He came for so much more than the most Precious Gift of Salvation which is most important for eternal life of course. Many churches aren’t teaching this so tons of hurting people have no idea what was made available for them to take care of these things. I praise God for leading me into all Truth by His Spirit.

Broken parts aren’t a license to sin, just like grace shouldn’t be either/taken for granted or advantage of. Education on the matter is power. God said His People perish for lack of knowledge and they really are…and will if we don’t do something as led by The Holy Spirit. It was God Almighty Who even put it in my heart to ask Him over a year ago if there was a spiritual connection to the Bipolar Disorder I’d been struggling with for over a decade. Sure enough…there is. It’s taken time, heartache, and painful lessons from The Lord to come to the revelations He shares. Praise Him for it though! God uses the result of our sins, the chastening of those He loves which are His Children (see Hebrews 12:6-7) to correct us and mold our character to become like Jesus! Therefore, no pain and suffering is wasted if you are a Believer and Child of God through Jesus alone. Check out Romans 8.

Man, I could go on and on. So many blessings of convictions, knowledge, wisdom and guidance in the prayer closet tonight. I wasn’t in there long, but He met me where I was in all my restlessness and despite my hard time being still, He worked with me and had mercy in that hour. Tonight’s lesson was about intercession, bearing the burdens of others and making their needs and wants my own etc… The commandments of Jesus!!!

Matthew 22:36-40 (KJV)

36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

38 This is the first and great commandment.

39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

 

I praise His Holy Name that The Lord Jesus opened my eyes to the fact that my broken soul wasn’t fully committed to Him and following His ways, not loving others as myself also. This is not a stumbling block, just something to ponder. We are all at different places in individual callings from The Almighty. If we seek Him, He will surely answer so be encouraged tonight 🙂

I love you guys and want you to feel better and be encouraged. Some days some of us are barely hanging on and the rest of us help carry that load, then the next day or not long after, we’re doing the same for them. It’s The Kingdom of God. We are Family. No matter where you are, if you have absolutely no friends or family at all, ask The Lord and He will lead you to like minded Believers! Christians are Family worldwide! Praise Jesus for all the Benefits of Almighty God! Psalm 103 is amazing too ♥

Sweet dreams, precious ones. You matter and your suffering is not in vain.

Should you not know this Precious Jesus that we speak of as The Son of God and the only way to Heaven in eternal life, He is waiting with open arms to hear you out and accept you as you are but not leave you there in the dark. Fall apart in the presence of God. He’s not there to put you down, but lift you up out of your mess. He meets us in the darkest of places and carries us into His marvelous Light! Praise His Holy Name!

Night for now 🙂 🙂 🙂

 

Personal Journey

A Prayer For The Broken and a Conversation with The Church.

Father God,

Tonight I’m crying out on behalf of everyone in the world who is hurting. Everyone who has no idea of how precious they really are in your sight. For the dear souls that Jesus bought back with His Precious Blood on The Cross at Calvary, who have no idea that they are made in The Image of The LORD God Almighty.  Lord, it is written in Your Holy Word,

Psalm 51:17    The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Psalm 34:18   The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

God, we come to you brokenhearted tonight and just lay it all on the Altar. You have shown me today God that there is a pain so heavy we cannot bear it and are not able to process it. Especially at a very young age. Trauma. It is my minuscule understanding that there are places someplace inside of our being or our mind where these particular events are hidden away so that we can function.

I do not believe as some do that these are alters, but places of refuge that the demons take advantage of when they have ground to torment us. Your Grace is Truly Amazing, Lord God. The peak I’ve gotten of Your heart brings me to tears. You are so Beautiful. I love you. You know I want to love you with ALL of my heart. This is why you have exposed the brokenness in me. What the world calls Bipolar Disorder or Multiple Personality disorder is just a term in Satan’s Kingdom of Pharmaceuticals and money to deal with the problem at hand.  The suffering is all too real for too many. Tonight I plead on behalf of the whole world for an awakening and revelation because You said in Your Word,

Hosea 4:6  My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.

The Churches today are not teaching The FULL GOSPEL, Lord. They cut Jesus off in Mark Chapter 16 at verse 16 (when He was STILL TALKING) in Your Description of The Great Commission to ALL Believers-NOT just the people back then. So much false doctrine and craziness going on today. Not many are walking in Power, signs and miracles as you gave us the Authority to do so, with Your Precious Holy Spirit living inside of us.

Mark 16:15-20   And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.

16 He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.

17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;

18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

19 So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God.

20 And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen.

The Church is unaware of Her Identity today, Lord.

The reality is found in Luke 10:19 Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

 

If we as The Body of Christ knew Whose and Who we are, we would truly be walking in power and love with signs and wonders following our witness and preaching. Perhaps the world, or at least some of the world would come to saving faith in Jesus. Our identity is in Christ, we are not ourselves anymore after getting saved. So, tonight, we cry, ABBA, Father! Please wake up Your People and let them know just how much they are worth and how You Love them! Let’s reach the entire world with our testimonies for your Glory and the saving of souls!

God, give us the healing and deliverance we need to feel your love and overcome the pain we have acquired over the years. You will bind our wounds and wipe away our tears…oh, how you really do love us. In Jesus Name, Thank you, Amen.

Brothers and Sisters, let’s  go back  The Cross and remember our First Love. Let us remember WHY we started this journey. I know so many of you feel like quitting right now or maybe just don’t see a way out, but know this:

Isaiah 61:1   The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;

This is FOR THE WORLD. Discouraged Christians. Sobbing sinners. Hurting, broken people in a dark and dying world.

This is not a message of condemnation but of a heavy prayer burden. Child of GOD, You are the Light. We just have to use it and shine for them all to see! Shine for JESUS ♥

IF we share the Truth…If we seek His Face in our prayer closets, we will surely find Him and He will share His heart with us. Let us pray for one another in this dark hour, and for the soil to be tilled, and for The Laborers to bet sent forth to The Harvest. I pray this encourages you. If it blesses you in any way, it’s The HOLY SPIRIT. I’m just writing what’s on my heart. God has been showing me things lately…like how the wall of my pride has to come down. We don’t have to worry about what in the world we are going to do right now because He said He’d finish what He started and NEVER leave us nor forsake us. Sweet dreams, Beloved. Rest, knowing it’s okay to be broken. You do not have to stay that way… Jesus Christ paid for your debt and with all 39 Stripes He paid for your healing and hurt.

1 Corinthians 1:28

And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:

Personal Journey

Demons & More Demons

Leviathan, Arrested Development, Double-Mindedness, Vashti, Jezebel, all the Spirit Husbands, and my rock hardened heart… Must be like billions of demons eh? They don’t operate alone. It is my understanding that they operate in groups. I’m not an expert yet, but you think I would be by now! I have no idea how the networking of demons is orchestrated inside of me. Sometimes I get mad because I see other Christians walking through life just fine…they have demons too. It’s just their demons aren’t exposed. Once you ruffle their feathers, the whole bunch acts up. My demons were uncovered this year as a result of sin. Oh what a learning experience…

It’s amazing how sin really hardens our hearts. Not only sin, but the defense mechanisms we put up when the warning lights come on that something potentially hurtful lurks ahead. Like this summer for me. My 92 year old Grandma moved hundreds of miles away and I knew I wouldn’t see her as much… The walls went up. I felt nothing. Two days before her flight I actually felt like I was in another zone in my body. Weird.

Trauma. How much trauma have you experienced in your life? For me, it began with my birth as my Mother had a Cesarean. Then the house fire at age 2 where I watched everything we had burn to the ground in the family van. The frightening nightmares that I had as a result of watching the movie Child’s Play with my teenage sister were rough… I mean, Kid Sister was tossed out in no time. I tried to give my dolls away because I just knew they were plotting against me, or just plain wicked. What a mind warping experience. Major spirits of fear and phobias.

I also experienced a lot of rejection by the opposite sex in dating/having relationships. I would fall for the wrong guy (at the time I didn’t know it was a spiritual set up against me by the enemy). At the end of junior high I pushed myself to lose so much weight. I did that and I was still not accepted the way I desired. It didn’t matter how beautiful I was, or how talented…there was an assignment against me in the spirit realm. You see, everyone hears that God has a plan for their life. I’m here to tell you that the devil has a plan for your life too. Ask God to open your eyes and reveal things to you. Only God knows the future but Satan can sniff out or sort of catch a glimpse of the blessings God has for us around the corner. This enrages him. Satan and the kingdom of darkness hate human beings because we are all created in the image of God-whether we are living for Him or not. Lately I’m beginning to see how my heart has been hardened over the years. Many experiences brought different types of pain, and with the pain emotional wounds. Only The Holy Spirit can heal your deep wounds, the ones in your very soul. It’s called Inner Healing. Google it. He’s beginning a new work in me right now, healing me up, taking down the walls ever so gently.

Being able to cry is a blessing, don’t take it for granted. One thing you can do if you’re struggling with feeling numb and the hard heart, as a Born-Again Believer you can just ask The Holy Spirit to break your heart and He will help you feel again, give you the ability to cry.  The Holy Spirit bringing you to tears is freedom, Hallelujah!

No matter how many demons, It’s gonna be okay.

Falling apart is okay cuz God puts us together in new ways xoxo

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Depression & Jesus

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