Category Archives: suicidal thoughts

Motivational Monday!!!

Have a wonderful day, everyone!

*Images via Google



Lookin’ For Love?

Its amazing. Its marvelous. Its life-changing. Once you experience it, you are never, ever the same.

Scientists say we have internal chemical reactions to hugs. If your hug is with a potential lover to your likings, you will feel butterflies as they say as well 😛 That kind of hug is a deep rush, I think. When you embrace your grandma, your mother, a best friend, or significant other, you feel this soothing connection between both your hearts.

The empathy your dog has for you. Over time he has picked up on your moods with your body language and observed behavior. Maybe you’re stressed or upset and you lie down or curl up on the couch, ball up full of stress and raw emotion. Your dog comes over to you and likely nudges your hand so you will pet him. Maybe he taps you with his paw. Whatever the case, he feels your pain. So much of the time when I am sad my dog will even whimper with me. We share the pain. And that feeling…to be understood. Its so comforting. The world can be falling apart, but if you have some sort of comfort like that you are somehow stronger.

The high school teacher, coach, or band director who went the extra mile, working after school. After hours. After hours to make you better. To make you who you are today. Some people have very little support at home. Sometimes the leadership acquired in after school groups and activities, or lessons learned from our educators light a fire inside our hearts. Maybe before you didn’t try as hard, you weren’t motivated enough to give it your all, make goals & strive to achieve them. But somebody believed in you. Another soul expressed concern for your life, assisted you on the stairway of your life at the time. There’s nothing like feeling that somebody cares about you.

This brings me to my point. Our Source.

Our Source is Love. These examples described above are all accounts of love expressed in different ways. But it gets deeper, you know.

Love = Our Source is our Creator, God AlmightyHe is Love itself, and everything good, everything of loving nature, stems from our Father in Heaven.

So, if you’re looking for love, if you feel hurt and broken, like nobody cares…maybe you would choose to turn to God. His love is unlike any other. The love of God is unconditional, bold and daring. Life changing and earth shaking. If you open up and let God do what He can and will with your life, I promise you will not be disappointed. He’s a sure shot! He always delivers. He proved it on The Cross when Jesus died for all of us. All of mankind. Its truly worth thinking about and looking into. Because if you look close enough and hard enough, you just might fall right back in love with God. There it begins. The beginning of that relationship. The beginning of knowing God. Knowing Him as your Father. As more than a word in a book. He is very real and He is waiting to put His mighty Hand on your life and do extraordinary things if you take that step.


Why I read the Bible: How I see the Word of God Today

This dawned on me tonight, so I made a poster for it.

My attitude toward the Bible…the Word of God, has changed dramatically in the last year, more than ever. For many years I had the wrong attitude toward reading or studying the Bible. I sort of wrote it off as something I couldn’t understand without being at Church. It was just over my head, and the old English didn’t help. It wasn’t but a couple of years after my Baptism that my Bipolar disorder symptoms began to surface, and in that time I lost interest in things I cared for most.

I honestly disregarded the Psalms because I counted them as a bunch of poems or songs that really didn’t matter as much as the rest. I gave Proverbs the most credit as it seemed pretty easy for me to understand. But you know, you can open the Bible to a random spot and find yourself in the middle of the story of a particular person or leader, a battle, and all sorts of situations, including Jesus.  These people, stories, and situations have a background, and it is possible to figure ’em out! It can and will really make sense if you simply give it some of your time and dedication.

I was way off!!!

There is reiteration in this Holy Word, so if you pay attention, you can really see what God is telling us. Now I look at the Bible as The Official Guideline, and Only True Self Help Book (in my words) for living a full, happy life on earth, and especially into a Grand, Beautiful, Eternal One that we cannot comprehend in our mortal form. It is a handbook for anything and everything concerning all matters of this life, Salvation, and the next one.

I think that the main point I wanted to bring about is that I didn’t think I, personally, would ever be able to find help for what I called modern day problems here. The Truth is, over time, and with the more attention you give the Word of God, you see it differently.

There are all sorts of Bible study guides for people, like me, who need some help getting started. There are Bible dictionaries and References so that we can better understand. The study guide that I first picked up was Stuck by Jennie Allen.  I found it at a Christian bookstore…actually it found me, but that’s another post.

Bible study guides are awesome! Whether you’re a Christian or not, reading the Bible can become something extraordinary, and light up your life. You can pray for understanding and guidance, and the Holy Spirit is sure to follow. I just really wanted to share my former attitude toward the Word of God for what it was. Now, my Bible is no longer just a book on my shelf. It’s a part of my daily life. Out of Its case! …Unless for protection or travel 🙂

& If you don’t have a case, you’ve just got  faster and easier access! ❤

I hope you find this post encouraging and helpful. If so, perhaps you will share with another, the idea of how approaching and handling the Word differently changes things, forever.

God bless!

Just Can’t Take Anymore?

You are not over. You have work to do with that beating heart, and the very breath you breathe.


Call 24/7


You Are Someone’s Miracle

We begin as blank slates, fresh from the womb, knowing nothing, spotless. Wherever we wind up after that and a bunch of psychology to boot determines how our personality, and the very perception of ourselves develop. There is so much information, theory etc… with that sort of thing. That’s not my point tonight, though. Even on my best day, at this point in my life I would be unable to really deliver a textbook explanation.

But you know, no matter what, we are absolutely 100% able to rise above and beyond our childhoods, troubling life lessons learned the hard way throughout the years like bullying or abuse. I’m not saying it will be just wiped away from our hurting minds and hearts. What I am saying is that though you may still carry the dark or troubling events & people that have hurt you, and the fact that even now, after all these years it still stings…You can rise above it all. The lingering pain can be healed. You can come to a true place of peace in your heart, despite all the memories. The thing is, we have to do some work to find that peace and carry on that work to maintain it.

Reaching out to others, trusted loved ones, friends, family, a significant other…and professional help. I am a living testimony that therapy does work. It will work for you-but you will only reap as much as effort you put in with your counselor. Developing insight is just huge. Sometimes meds can make a dramatic impact. It may take time with trial and error as we are all made differently, but if it works for you, it is worth it. *All credit goes to Jesus Christ, The Son of God. He is the Great Physician, and the one I choose to serve. The things He has done for me I could never count on this earth.* The healing of my weary soul has everything to do with this.


No statistics, no linking of articles or anything tonight. I just want to offer hope. That is the blessing that I have as an overcomer. If you are struggling with anything that haunts you, interfering with your daily life, and leads you to believe a lie, do not give up. Miracles happen every day. There is light within you, whether you see it or not.

You have it in you, precious soul, to be someone else’s miracle.

God bless

Salvation is free


Misconceptions + Deception = Chaos

As followers of Christ, we’re struggling everywhere around the world. From the most life threatening struggles of physical persecution, to the ones that I know on a personal level (dealings with getting ready for Church). Clothes, my body, & presentation. My Bulimia acts are no longer around, but I am not healed. To live a happy life we must work on the quality of every day, from wake up, til going to sleep. There is no direct finish line to happy. It’s ongoing. We work daily on overcoming the evil one. Daily is the race to our desired Home with Jesus forever.

Driving along in the car tonight, I thought about some current situations in my life that need extra attention. These situations are part of not only my struggle, but part of the lives of others involved. The more I think of them, and then think of them in terms of being human and the trials of this life, it just all seemed silly. I was relieved I could finally smile about it! I see it for the learning experience that it really is. What can seem like the end to us can actually just be the deception of the Devil himself. In 2014, I have learned the following equation of the Soul.

Misconceptions + Deception = Chaos


No matter how dead you may feel inside with doubts, anxieties or fears that challenge your daily lives and your very faith, God is alive. When you suffer with Jesus, you suffer with purpose, because you are being unraveled and the goodness in you is slowly being revealed in a brighter way. If we really try our darnedest, no matter what, the carvings and thorns will all make us better for the Lord. A new creation. There is much to be done, much to sow, and the reaping is going to literally be out of this world!

Remember no matter what’s going on in your life, you are NOT over! You have much to live for right now! The power is in the present moment.

God bless everyone tonight!

Ready for Bed?

Lay down not only your body tonight, but all of your worries, doubts, & fears of anxiety as well. Spread out comfortably in bed and take a moment to ponder this night. All of today is now a memory and part of the past. If you see the dawn, you’ve received the gift of another day, another chance to do what it is you need to do, to make a difference in the lives of others, to share your story and inspire others. Tomorrow could be the best day of your life. That miracle you’ve been praying for could unravel this day.

Either way, my friend, remember that the absence of anxieties and fear is called faith. Where there is actual and 100% faith there is no doubt, fear, or worry. Faith is a growing thing. Over time and with practice and input it becomes greater, packing such a powerful punch. You know you’re gonna get knocked down from time to time. That’s life. But with faith…there is no doubt in all the fibers of your being on earth. You stand fearless, knowing there will be pain, which is unpleasant and uncomfortable…but you know in your heart…your SOUL. You know you can. You know who you are.

You know this because you know Him.

You know God.

He’s listening as you get into bed, and the rest of the time 24/7. Talking to Him can be as short and easy as “Help!” He knows what you need before you even ask.

The Creator of the Universe flung the shimmery stars into His velvety night sky, twinkling as diamonds. Like the moon, and the sun they testify to His great Power & Glory every moment in every day.

Close your eyes. No matter where you are. The eastern or western world. Persecuted, or tormented inside of yourself. God’s got this.


*Image via

Goodnight, everyone.

Sending love to all of you ❤

God bless

Bedtime Thoughts

I’m getting sleepy!

Pajamas on, teeth brushed, almost time for reading a few pages of Paper Towns, then out like a light…but wait…

I am so grateful for the changes in my life this past year…that I have to make this an actual a post when I’d planned on only sharing an image.

I’m flooded with blessings. My grateful heart sings out tonight.

Growing closer to God is a very exciting and interesting experience. You may be hesitant to approach Him, or not. We all have our own identities, pasts, our own struggles, our own personal understanding. If you know God or seek after Him, you will find that we all have our own unique, individual relationships with The Lord.  He knows this. There’s a place inside of all of us that yearns for love. We crave it. We all want to be accepted and cared for whether we admit it or not. God is love. He created that space inside of you. In fact, He wants to be included there!

Life can be quite confusing at times, but there are answers for everything. Take forgiveness for example.

The answer is found at the foot of the Cross…

Tonight I leave my darkest fears, my biggest worries, and everything else in the hands of God. I usually unload my heart before bed in prayer and He gladly picks up my pieces. With every day that comes I am stronger than before.

You can put aside all worries, fears and doubts. Yes, you can! We can choose to know Peace-the only peace that surpasses understanding. How is the peace of God in Christ different? This type of peace holds true no matter how horrible the situation. This peace is so powerful that upon receiving it, we are made free, and able to face anything. Everything!

Faith must be tended to daily, for just as we need food to survive as human beings, our spiritual selves (our souls) thrive on the spiritual food of God’s Word, aka The Bible. Spiritual famine leads to soul sickness. No matter how much you have or how great your life seems, you will be unsatisfied until you satisfy your soul. It is very easy to get caught up in the matters of this life: finances, relationships, work, health problems and so on. A single negative thought, if held onto or obsessed on…is deadly. The very concept of faith knocks out all doubt. Doubt is absent in faith!

I will not worry about lack because I know that God has my part ready for me somewhere I may not see at the time. The decision-making that drive me nuts, and all that my heart wrestles with, are already worked out by God. If I just go to Him for guidance I will be able to find my way, perhaps not easier or more quickly, but by including God in all matters, I’m guaranteed to find the right way.

Because of Jesus, we can have confidence, knowing that God’s got it all under control.

Perhaps you will consider giving The Creator a chance, a second glance…and know that He holds it all in His hands. The answers were there before you had the questions.

Wishing sweet dreams to everyone.



*image via Google

People are destroying themselves.

It’s so crazy how in some parts of the world people are beyond destroyed by wars, acts of terror, or persecution, while at the same time in other parts of the world…

People are destroying themselves.

Some turn to the bottle, or to the needle, for that go to high. These highs take people to the lowest of lows… We are all hurting and we want to feel better. Coping, or in many cases, self medicating…is different for everyone. Substance abuse isn’t all illegal. We abuse food as well. We swallow our pain. Some of us believe we can purge all guilt, all fear…but we are so wrong. All of our pathetic human band-aids are anything but helpful.

We can’t always understand one another. Perhaps we wonder why do victims of domestic violence stay? Why does somebody keep abusing pills that lead to nothing but self destruction, and they know better? Why do so many people continue to tear themselves down in efforts to become better in their eyes? Oh at the things we do… And its so easy to judge. You see a beautiful, young woman with a nice body, beautiful, flat ironed hair, dressed to the nine’s and think to yourself… I bet that girl is a total snob. I bet she thinks she’s better than everybody else. Maybe you are really feeling uncomfortable because of your very own insecurities hidden deep within your soul? I can personally testify this to have been my truth for many years. In dealing with my eating disorder and body dysmorphia, I not only waged wars against the mirror, but also against who I was… There was a huge leap between the me that I knew and the woman I wanted to be.

Millions of times in my life, I’ve heard my mom say “If it ain’t one thing, it’s another!” Have you ever felt that way? Like no matter how hard you try to get ahead, somehow you remain in the struggle? The struggle is deception. We are deceived by our negative thoughts, bitter emotions, and so we behave accordingly. When you dwell on all that’s got ya down and what ya lack, you feel like crap and that’s what you get. Crap.

Maybe a simple shift in perspective, the entertaining of thoughts and ideas that seems so absurd to us…Maybe things would change if we simply considered, imagined what life would be like without limits. The good news is that many of these limits are not solid. I know some things are inevitable…but there is so, so much that we lead ourselves to believe. After spending awhile in a dark place of life, sometimes we  apply the lessons learned in the storm, and sometimes we give up, or we write ourselves off. Sometimes we are so discouraged that getting up just seems to be in no way an option.

But it is.

People are dying in this world. People are running for their lives-being persecuted for their beliefs, just telling the truth and admitting the very things they stand for. Religious minorities are attacked all of the time by insane, radical militants who think the more people they blow up, the better off in their heaven they will be. This idiotic concept is not of God, but of man. Evil thrives off of the blood of the innocent, the rape, torture, and chains.

Invisible chains can bind human beings just as strong as actual ones in captivity. People are dying, and people are dying inside.

Today I challenge you to do something about it.

You may not be able to save the world, but you are responsible for yourself. If you are struggling, don’t be ashamed or afraid to seek the help that you need. Find someone you can trust and confide in them. If you haven’t any family or friends, there are many mental health professionals and suicide hotlines. The resources are there, you just need to accept them. Take responsibility. Abusing alcohol, drugs, sex…other people… These band-aids you turn to are making you a hamster on a wheel. Going nowhere.

This post is not just an opinion…I have a hole of my own that I dug-and I stayed there until somebody reminded me of what I’m reminding you.

Some of the pain in this world can be helped simply by choosing to take another road. Some pain can be prevented. If you are blessed to be living in an area where you are not persecuted, fighting for your life, living moment to moment, I suggest you (and I) take a look at our lives. Let’s examine our wounds instead of covering them up. The self-medicating-band-aids encourage pain.

There is only one true Peace. There are many glittering distractions when we wanna feel better…but the way, the Truth, and the Life…Is Jesus Christ. Call on Him today, we’re running out of time. The Bible is being fulfilled daily. Matthew 24…there is more to come, like the 7 year Tribulation with the reign of the antichrist and mark of the beast. But, nothing else has to happen before Jesus returns to receive His Bride, the true Christians who have surrendered all. I was a lukewarm 25% Christian for a long time, and didn’t realize it..

He’s Here today with Open arms.


Think about it.


God bless.

God’s Love

God’s Love is like no other love… It is unconditional.

We as human beings were bought at a price. Jesus bore all of our sin on that Cross and died in our place so that we would all have a chance to know Him, and know God. To find out where we fit in God’s Plan of life.

And as long as someone is alive and breathing with sound mind, he or she can choose God over human nature. We can choose to follow the way of the Spirit instead of the ways of flesh. The moment to find Jesus is now. Now is a great time to seek Him so that we may be found.

True love can be found at the foot of the Cross. Gazing up at the Son of God, or The Cross where he was pinned in shame and suffering there for all to see…I see Grace. Grace is why I am writing this post. The Grace of God has moved me in the right direction. I have found it to be the answer to everything. God’s grace is enough. Find this truth for yourself in 2 Corinthians 12:9 of The Word. For years and years I sang along in Church, Amazing Grace. However, it is not until now that I see...

This year a dramatic awakening shook my spirit. I am not the same. I will never be the same. Because I decided to further seek the Truth, I am growing. I’m craving God because this Christian thing isn’t a halfway kind of relationship. We are either For Him or against Him. It makes sense that all of that time I spent in the gray area I was so depressed and life was chaos. Once you really take the time to get to know Him, you can’t live without Him. Once you give your life to Jesus, you’ve given it all. It mustn’t end with one single act. It is a lifelong commitment, and a lifelong race. On the other side of the finish line, a place is prepared for those who choose to love Him, to obey, and live faithfully.

I cannot explain the great peace that I now know as I trust God, and believe. His answers were there before I had the questions…

God doesn’t give up on people. People give up on God.

No matter where you are, who you are, or what is troubling you in the moment, He is still listening and and waiting for you, personally to call on Him.

God bless 🙂