addiction, Eating Disorders, encouragement, Faith, Hope, Mental Health, self esteem, success

Soul Carrier

My body was never good enough as a teenager and into my early twenties. I had this poster of Britney Spears I held as my high standard. As close as I got…even being able to buy a single digit size 2 piece, It did NOT look like the poster! I absolutely did NOT look right. I shed so many pounds! I even did some toning and kickboxing and still no.

The fact is, not everybody’s body is gonna look like the 18 year old Britney Spears centerfold that I kept as a measuring tool!

I would NEVER accept the reality that only a small percentage of women have the physical makeup capable of pulling off a bikini look like hers.  But now, looking back as a 30 year old woman, I feel like a caged bird set free!!!

I found Recovery from my eating disorder at 22, but it was when I finally considered myself as my own unique type of beauty that things began to change. My stubborn self-criticizing mind fought it so hard. I resisted this new way of thinking to the max and then some.

Basically, to sum it up.,..

Through years of Bulimia, depression, therapy, Bipolar hospitalizations, eating disorder outpatient groups, and constant comparing myself to other women (famous and non-famous) I have learned that I am enough. I am okay. You see, for me it was all about rejection. The lies of the Devil himself led me to constant negative thought patterns, 24/7. I hated my life, my body…i hated myself. I was going against myself. My own worst enemy.*

*Note: I was NOT my own worst enemy. Satan, the devil himself was…and is now for everyone.

One day I had an awakening. This body of mine that I hated, the very cause of my unhappiness,  that I even self harmed over the years, was more than my body.

This is my Soul Carrier!

My flesh that I walk in and live in every day of my life contains something so delicate, so precious, so much more…

My Soul! My TRUE Being is operating from inside my now plus-sized, unique body. Becoming a Christian makes this the Temple of God. I am not my own. I was bought at a price. Though I didn’t believe that for years, the freedom I have NOW within the knowledge that I was believing lies…is priceless. Yes, ultimately it is

Jesus = freedom. You know in the Bible there’s a verse for this feeling.

“And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:7

It is possible to absolutely hate yourself, what you look like & think your life is over…and still overcome it all to find peace that is out of this world. I’m here to tell you it can be done, no matter what the circumstances. Everybody has their own personal story and journey. All of the clothes I bought in debt, gym memberships, and all other attempts to perfect this look i had in my head, totally don’t have to have ’em! I am beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God Himself, just as you are! Shopping sprees, binging on sweets and stuff only puts a Band-Aid on the pain. There is relief. Peace, out of this world.

addiction, Eating Disorders, Life, self esteem

When We Swallow Our Pain

Emotional eating is an attempt to avoid the absence (of love, comfort, knowing what to do) when we find ourselves in the desert of a particular moment, feeling, situation. In the process of resisting the emptiness, in the act of turning away from our feelings, of trying and trying again to lose the same twenty, fifty, eighty pounds, we ignore what could utterly transform us.

But when we welcome what we most want to avoid, we evoke that in us that is not a story, not caught in the past, not some old image of ourselves. We evoke divinity itself. And in doing so, we can hold emptiness, old hurts, fear in our cupped hands and behold our missing hearts.
Geneen Roth

abuse, addiction, Anorexia, Bipolar disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Bulimia, Depression, Eating Disorders, Inspirational, Jesus, Life, Mental Health, Music

“Flawless”

There’s Living Water at the Fountain of Christ for all!

No discrimination. Everyone’s welcome.

Awesome and inspiring video, listen to the song below.

abuse, addiction, America, bucket list, Childhood, Eating Disorders, God, Health, Life, Mental Health, People, religion, society, sociology, supernatural

Reality Check. Reassess.

Reality check.

Time to wake up and reassess.

*video found via YouTube

2015, America, Angels, Bipolar disorder, Christianity, Eating Disorders, God, healing from God, Jesus, Mental Health, Personal Journey, religion

These Are The Days that I Will Remember When My Name is Called on The Roll

A thought came to me unexpectedly as I sat in the midst of all my twisted troubles tonight.

Don’t get caught up in all of these things. This is all temporary. Do not be distracted, or be consumed by your emotions. It’s almost reaping time. You’re going home.

The longer time goes on the more I realize that this world is not my home.

Basically this means that I am not settled in here, comfortably embracing it all. Looking forward to what the next ten years hold, the purchase of our new home, or even this spring’s landscaping…I’m just beside myself. I woke up. I chose to take Jesus’ hand and come out of my lukewarm Christian state. So, as I slowly began giving it my all, to apply my faith and walk with Jesus full time…the eyes of my heart were opened. My plans are irrelevant.  With eyes wide open, I’m watching for Jesus now.

Regardless of your religious or spiritual stance, have you really taken a look at what’s going on in our world lately? Mainstream media, non-mainstream, magazines…countless sources, but are you getting the news? Even if you are blessed to live in a quiet, little town someplace, there’s so much chaotic activity under the sun right now. If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you know that I am a very positive-natured person. I’m not pushing negativity.

Awareness.

All sets of ears hear the news differently. What may be devastating and awful to one set, may still  be of dark matters to another, but yet hopeful in signs of deliverance. We’re watching and waiting for Jesus. Keeping up with current world events has made me more aware of the hour I’m living in. The Truth doesn’t appeal to everyone, but it will set you free.

Back to tonight…my weary spirit was collecting anxiety over life-stuff happening in my personal world right now.

The Holy Spirit gently reminded me to not be discouraged or distracted…

I don’t have to sit in my despair anymore. I have a HUGE reason to live. Amen ❤

I was miraculously healed of a strong gambling addiction, God saved my very life in some pretty dangerous Manic states, and I’ve experienced so many great things and dear blessings along the way. He is truly LOVE. Because our Creator is LOVE itself, we are able to love.

Hallelujah 🙂

Glory to the Lamb of God

God bless everyone tonight!

2015, abuse, Bible, Christianity, current events, Depression, Eating Disorders, God, Jesus, Mental Health, news, Personal Journey, Prophecy, space

Freedom In Oppression

Most people seem to get their News reports from mainstream media…

CNN, Fox News, CBS, ABC News, The New York Times, MSNBC, Google News, NBCNews, The Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Newsweek, and TIME are several prominent sources for the news in my country, the United States. Whether you’re sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, standing in line at the grocery, trying to stay awake in a waiting room, or even in the patient chair at the dentist, there’s reading material. Televisions. Current events are being reported everywhere. You may not have it at the time, but somewhere someone else has connections to what’s being reported as news in today’s world.

I’ve noticed over the past year that a lot of people seem to just avoid the news, almost like its irrelevant to their lives. Perhaps they aren’t considering the fact that what’s going on around the world affects them in a local way, whether it be very obvious or not. There are tons of sources for news, to find out what’s going on around the world today. The very popular news sources listed above aren’t the only ones…

I am not a conspiracy theorist, but I do believe that everything in this world deserves a second glance. Deception, delusion, and distraction are very real, alive and well in today’s world. I have personally never been into the news or keeping up with current events until over a year ago. I began paying attention to science as well because the world events and even the events of space were significant to my faith.

A whole lot of people alive right now are oppressed.

Oppression: To keep down by severe and unjust use of force or authority, or

To cause to feel worried or depressed.

We are all troubled in various ways to various degrees. From depression and struggles of the mind to being taken captive in the flesh…captivity of the mind or the body, or the stripping of freedom…

You’re online right now. Check out YouTube. Bible Prophecy is coming to pass. A great example would be the one I stumbled upon today.

The Destruction of Damascus seems to be in the works (As described in Isaiah 17)

and

Now is the time to seek freedom. So many people around the world today can tell you that the freedom(s) they’ve known are fading away or are obsolete. Where is hope? What are you counting on and hoping for? What can bring you comfort?

“He who the Son sets free is free indeed.” (John 8:36)

The truth is growing more and more scarce everyday. This is not the world I grew up in. Even our sun is getting tired…

Everything here is temporary. Flesh returns to dust. Have you ever considered there may be more?

This message is written to offer hope, to let you know that even in a world full of chaos, you can still have peace. In Jesus Christ.

Seek Him while you can.

God bless always

Anorexia, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Body Image, Bulimia, Christianity, Confidence, coping, Eating Disorders, God, Jesus, self esteem

Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food…

“Sweet friend, I know how it feels to want to completely shut down when life gets challenging and things happen that we don’t understand. But if we pull away from praying, reading our Bible and going to church in hard times – we just suffer. If we stay committed to doing those things that keep us connected with God, we will experience an intimacy and power in the midst of our suffering we can’t get any other way.”

Lysa TerKeurst

I love this woman! I feel like somebody I’ve never met, completely gets me!

I found Recovery from Bulimia at 22, I’m almost 30. I purchased the book below in an attempt to find some extra Divine Inspiration in the struggling going on in my life…and boy, was this book from God!!!


Here’s the book & description from the website Proverbs31.org

Made To Crave (Book)

$16.99 USD

Craving isn’t a bad thing.
Has food become more about frustration than fulfillment? Made To Crave is the missing link between a woman’s desire to be healthy and the spiritual empowerment necessary to make that happen. Author, Lysa TerKeurst, personally understands the battle that women face. In Made To Crave, she will help you:
  • Break the cycle of “I’ll start again on Monday,” and feel good about yourself today.
  • Stop agonizing over numbers on the scale and make peace with your body.
  • Replace rationalization that lead to diet failure with wisdom that leads to victory.
  • Reach your healthy goals and grow closer to God through the process.

This book is not a how-to manual or the latest, greatest dieting plan, Made To Crave is a helpful companion to use alongside whatever healthy eating approach you choose-a book and Bible study to help you find the “want to” in how to make healthy lifestyle changes.

Join Lysa and experience all that you were made to crave!

Check the other Made To Crave products: DVD and Participant’s Guide


Yes! Why didn’t I think of that? haha

I CAN satisfy my deepest desire with God and not food!

The world may tell us we don’t measure up, but God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. It’s taken me from adolescence up until now to realize that the people who we idolize and set the bar for beauty in women, the standard and sex appeal…are NOT the kind of people we should really be taking advice from. Some of them don’t seem to be the kind of friend I would even want to have. Ever think of that?

You are priceless, dear one.