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People are destroying themselves.

It’s so crazy how in some parts of the world people are beyond destroyed by wars, acts of terror, or persecution, while at the same time in other parts of the world…

People are destroying themselves.

Some turn to the bottle, or to the needle, for that go to high. These highs take people to the lowest of lows… We are all hurting and we want to feel better. Coping, or in many cases, self medicating…is different for everyone. Substance abuse isn’t all illegal. We abuse food as well. We swallow our pain. Some of us believe we can purge all guilt, all fear…but we are so wrong. All of our pathetic human band-aids are anything but helpful.

We can’t always understand one another. Perhaps we wonder why do victims of domestic violence stay? Why does somebody keep abusing pills that lead to nothing but self destruction, and they know better? Why do so many people continue to tear themselves down in efforts to become better in their eyes? Oh at the things we do… And its so easy to judge. You see a beautiful, young woman with a nice body, beautiful, flat ironed hair, dressed to the nine’s and think to yourself… I bet that girl is a total snob. I bet she thinks she’s better than everybody else. Maybe you are really feeling uncomfortable because of your very own insecurities hidden deep within your soul? I can personally testify this to have been my truth for many years. In dealing with my eating disorder and body dysmorphia, I not only waged wars against the mirror, but also against who I was… There was a huge leap between the me that I knew and the woman I wanted to be.

Millions of times in my life, I’ve heard my mom say “If it ain’t one thing, it’s another!” Have you ever felt that way? Like no matter how hard you try to get ahead, somehow you remain in the struggle? The struggle is deception. We are deceived by our negative thoughts, bitter emotions, and so we behave accordingly. When you dwell on all that’s got ya down and what ya lack, you feel like crap and that’s what you get. Crap.

Maybe a simple shift in perspective, the entertaining of thoughts and ideas that seems so absurd to us…Maybe things would change if we simply considered, imagined what life would be like without limits. The good news is that many of these limits are not solid. I know some things are inevitable…but there is so, so much that we lead ourselves to believe. After spending awhile in a dark place of life, sometimes we  apply the lessons learned in the storm, and sometimes we give up, or we write ourselves off. Sometimes we are so discouraged that getting up just seems to be in no way an option.

But it is.

People are dying in this world. People are running for their lives-being persecuted for their beliefs, just telling the truth and admitting the very things they stand for. Religious minorities are attacked all of the time by insane, radical militants who think the more people they blow up, the better off in their heaven they will be. This idiotic concept is not of God, but of man. Evil thrives off of the blood of the innocent, the rape, torture, and chains.

Invisible chains can bind human beings just as strong as actual ones in captivity. People are dying, and people are dying inside.

Today I challenge you to do something about it.

You may not be able to save the world, but you are responsible for yourself. If you are struggling, don’t be ashamed or afraid to seek the help that you need. Find someone you can trust and confide in them. If you haven’t any family or friends, there are many mental health professionals and suicide hotlines. The resources are there, you just need to accept them. Take responsibility. Abusing alcohol, drugs, sex…other people… These band-aids you turn to are making you a hamster on a wheel. Going nowhere.

This post is not just an opinion…I have a hole of my own that I dug-and I stayed there until somebody reminded me of what I’m reminding you.

Some of the pain in this world can be helped simply by choosing to take another road. Some pain can be prevented. If you are blessed to be living in an area where you are not persecuted, fighting for your life, living moment to moment, I suggest you (and I) take a look at our lives. Let’s examine our wounds instead of covering them up. The self-medicating-band-aids encourage pain.

There is only one true Peace. There are many glittering distractions when we wanna feel better…but the way, the Truth, and the Life…Is Jesus Christ. Call on Him today, we’re running out of time. The Bible is being fulfilled daily. Matthew 24…there is more to come, like the 7 year Tribulation with the reign of the antichrist and mark of the beast. But, nothing else has to happen before Jesus returns to receive His Bride, the true Christians who have surrendered all. I was a lukewarm 25% Christian for a long time, and didn’t realize it..

He’s Here today with Open arms.


Think about it.


God bless.

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Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

This is an awesome line to remember not only in the troubled, dark times of life, but always. You are not over. The most beautiful parts of life bloom after the worst of storms. What has scarred you, knocked you down, or near destroyed you is actually helping you discover who you really are. The greatest pain can be the greatest teacher. We must keep the eyes of our heart open, and in knowing that nothing lasts forever…be ready to receive the truth. You just may find that the worst thing has made you your best.

Remember who you are and where you are headed despite any negativity that you may face today. Let’s make the most of today!

God bless ❤

*Image via Christian Today

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Don’t Need My Name in Lights.

Lyrics from one of the most awesome Christian anthems ever!

It doesn’t matter what other human beings think of you. What matters is how we are seen in the eyes of our Creator. The greatest love we could ever know is already ours. We simply must reach back out to Him. I’m so grateful for Him, and I always come home to open arms with all my pain.

Check out the song!

God bless

Goodnight! ❤

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The Spiritual Toolbox.

I sat pondering life in general the other day, and It dawned on me that I have a spiritual toolbox. I have a spiritual toolbox where I’ve stored tools and concrete plans for human life on earth that one cannot see with  eyes. Inside of this awesome and vital life accessory, you will find my prayers, my soul guidelines: my life’s lessons learned, morals and beliefs according to The Word of God in the Bible-the ideas that govern the way I choose to live my life. The instruction Manual for Salvation…Eternal Life! 🙂

Along with these, there’s record of my baptism to remind me of who I became in 1999. Of course The Word of God is at the heart of this box. I am not very knowledgeable in the Word as I could be now, but I am growing and pursuing the closest relationship with Jesus that I could ever know nowadays.

I recently read in a bible study guide (by Jennie Allen, an awesome Christian author whose work I am really beginning to admire) about how we as human beings have ideas of what we feel are our rights, and we feel strongly about our rights. Jennie wasn’t just talking about as a citizen of a nation, or in a world sense, but on a personal-living scale.

*By the way, I have come to find that for me, using a study-workbook to aid in my understanding of the Bible on a private, at home level is simply awesome! I am finding out more and more about God, growing closer to Him as He draws closer to me, and even learning about myself as a Christian because the questions and prompts in these study books really bring it out of ya.

When on the page in my study workbook asked me what I believe my rights are, a light came on.

Vanity. The quality of people who have too much pride in their own appearance, abilities, achievements, etc. : the quality of being vain.

Wow. This is the core of all of my problems. The sorrow that I’ve been reveling for the longest time (as you can even see in many of my blog posts) lies in this sin, this concept that was put in me at a very young age and I kept for the rest of my life. My priorities haven’t been straight! I’ve wanted to be somebody, when really, the somebody that i need to be is the character that I am currently developing. I have evolved as a Christian and individual this past year more than ever.

All things of this world will surely pass away.

I think that true wealth in the human sense is health. If we are achieving and maintaining health at its optimum level while living on earth, we are rich (aside from things like meaningful relationships-love and stuff). I mean, we take nothing with us in a physical sense when we pass away. All that is left here on this planet are the things we owned/possessed (Maybe things that we were once so eager to buy, or were blessed to have). Those that survive us divide those things and the circle of life continues without us.

The way we treated others, the extra mile we went for the sake of right, the energy and time we devoted to reaching out to our fellow human beings and bringing glory to God, helping each other… Deeds are the makeups of Heaven! The more work we put into love down here, the more work we will find we have put into our Heavenly home!

See Matthew 6:19-21

19“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20“But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; 21for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

We are born here and we die here.

Contentment and Faith in my life…

Before, if I wanted something so bad which meant very much to me, In fear, I would instantly begin crossing my fingers, wishing and praying it would not slip away, and still be available when I could get it.

Worry. to think about problems or fears : to feel or show fear and concern because you think that something bad has happened or could happen.

Now at 29 I know in my heart that if there is something I am supposed to have on this earth there is no need to fear or worry over it because everything is in God’s hands. In the Bible there are verses about how God takes care of the birds of the air. They do not have to worry about what they will eat for He sees after them. Also,  the Lilies of the field are clothed so beautifully…So how much more will He do for you and I? (See Matthew 6:26-28)

Faith. strong belief or trust in someone or something. (In this case, God.)

I am in the very midst of a spiritual awakening in this moment.


Distractions and reactions.

Let us think on our own personal, unique, and Divine soul purpose.

Building things like projects, houses, or machines, vs. adding equity into my eternal home where I hope to reside forever with The Father. Love. The Trinity; Father, Son, Holy Spirit. All of God’s children will live a life that never ends, without broken hearts or bodies that break.

Forever in Paradise vs. the eternal Hell

I don’t know about you, but 99% of the time when I think of the afterlife of an eternity, I ponder on Heaven and not Hell. I grew up in a non-denominational Church of Christ where I was educated about both places in Sunday school. However, it wasn’t up until now that I’ve really give anything at all this much thought.

God has shown me this year that all I need is simply God! His Grace is sufficient for me…

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”


I can tell when the hunger in my belly is satisfied and all that’s left is simply spiritual hunger. Its odd that they can feel the same and be so different, right? There has been a long and terrible famine of God’s Word in my life for years. I am getting back into the Bible now and in doing so I have begun to figure myself out! I did not expect it to transform me in such a huge manner because for the longest time my faith was very weak.

The Bible is not just a boring book full of ancient facts and stuff we have heard over and over and we already know (as I honestly used to think…). Once you really apply yourself and get into things, you will become enlightened in so many ways.

God bless ❤


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It’s an Inside Battle…

Saw this image in my Facebook Feed and had to share for those of you going through what I did. We can overcome the insecurities, the pain. We must just keep getting back up.

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Trying To Stay Slim Was Grim: Manifesting An Eating Disorder During My Developmental Years

The majority of these images are…me from a toddler to a high school student, but the four pics on the right are celebrity pop stars who were just getting started and raging during my developmental years. They were part of the manifestation of my eating disorder.

Society and The Media

From Britney Spears, The Spice Girls, Willa Ford, and Christina Aguilera, it doesn’t matter who or which one…I did not measure up to the likes of ANY of them! I just wasn’t born with pop star genes. This was unacceptable. My stomach just would not tone to look like theirs. These women were walking charisma, breathing beauties, and *perfection* at its best. I just didn’t match up.

I just came up with this idea tonight and thought I would create a collage based on the feelings and experiences of a major part of my youth. It wasn’t these celebrities alone that led me to harmful, self-destructive behaviors, it was rejection.


I was a nice “Church Girl”, very much in love with a little high school ladies man, the rebel, the biggest flirt, the cockiest one, the leader of the pack. We knew each other for years in school, and he toyed with my heart strings, sending me all sorts of mixed signals. Perhaps he was really into me? He broke my heart when he showed up at the Sophomore Homecoming dance with another girl (after declining my invite with the response that he just didn’t feel up to it). Ouch.

I guess I could just say that this guy chose a very outgoing young lady over me. My actual first love ironically ended over similar issues. Being a good girl felt really bad. So yeah, love was never a friend of mine for a very long time.


The mall was one of my biggest opponents as well. Just when it wasn’t hard enough facing those teeny chicks my age shopping for clothes, laughing, talking about the lives that they had…it only got worse when I tried the clothes on. Dang.

Mirrors were cannonballs fired from the dark side. They were flaming arrows that stung me deep, down into my soul. For years I used a garbage back to cover much of my torso until I would heal up mentally and get in shape physically, becoming an entirely healthy young woman. Also, I learned in my darkest hours that numbers on scales can really mess with our troubled minds. So, my progress was tracked by being weighed backwards by medical professionals or my mother. Recovery is a tender thing to find.

An Eating Disorder, accompanied by an eating disordered mentality, body dysmorphic disorder, lack of  self esteem, shattered dreams, and a broken heart is a whole lot to swallow…

I’m here though!

I am here to tell you that its not over and that you can overcome your disorder or even now like myself, overcome any dark memories or emotions that creep up now and then regarding it all. You are going to be okay, I promise. When we fall down we just have to take a minute to sigh, dry our tears, and then gather our things, get up, and head on out. We were meant to enjoy this life. Its people, society and the media that teach us we are defect. God does not make mistakes. Hold your head high. You are beautiful!




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Life & Loving Yourself Clip. Love This!

2 Minute Inspirational Spill by one of my most fave YouTube Channel People! 🙂

This woman is very inspiring. I love her! I am subscribed to her YouTube Channel. She uses a lot of  language in her videos, but this one is sharable in those terms I think! 2 minutes of such awesome advice and encouragement! Like and Share!

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Look to Love Yourself and You Will Find Yourself Happy!

Loving me for me…

Yes, it’s taken a long time to get here, and is still a work in progress, but life is such a precious gift 🙂


Image Via Recovery One Day at a Time

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My Mom, God, and Bipolar Disorder.

Tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. my momma is having a biopsy procedure done to detect what exactly is going on with her left eye that became completely blind out of the blue two weeks ago. We have to be there at 6 a.m. though for registration and prepping. She is getting up at 4 a.m. today. I know she’s worried and anxious. I’ve prayed so hard daily since this happened. First she was declared the victim of a stroke, but later at a different hospital, 127 miles away here where my husband and I live, there was talk of inflammation disease due to her Rheumatoid Arthritis, and with that came the possibility of potential sight restoration.

So, here I am now. Its all in God’s hands, but I know that the power of prayer is unimaginable as well. It’s going to be okay. It always turns out okay. I think that’s the answer to what Atheists (and even Christians, and those of other beliefs as well) seek when they question Christianity or God, you know…asking

“Why did your God let this happen?”

Is this.

From all that I’ve experienced and learned along the way, my response would be that first of all in The Bible there’s scripture stating that “It rains on the just and the unjust.” This means that the sicknesses, pain, and tragedies of the world have happened, are happening and will happen to everyone. People of all faiths, ethnicity, diverse cultures and backgrounds. Its just part of being human. So, ultimately I do not see the bad in life as a punishment or payback. There is both good and evil under the sun. We don’t seem to be as full of doubt in the good times.

I am in no way a professional Theologian, Pastor, or like the great apostle Paul in the Bible. I haven’t been to Seminary, however, I am a Christian. I did obey the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the good news of salvation and hope of eternal life. I do know that God loves everyone and wants no man to perish. God is love. I have experienced great healing and protection in my life with dark moments and when I was unaware of being in danger. God does not discriminate. He loves everyone equally. It’s just that if you try and get to know God and learn what’s significant in this life, believing for a next one that never ends, you will never be the same.

When someone turns to God and obeys the Gospel completely, he or she is forever changed. A new person! You are ‘washed in the blood of the lamb’ (as some call it), your name is added to the Book of Life. Our days are numbered, but whenever your time’s up, God will see His Son next to your name in that book-that you’ve come to Him and joined The Body of Christ. We are even given our own personal guardian angel! These are not my ideas. Its all in the Bible. Seek and you shall find! Check it out for yourself. Don’t let another person tell you what the truth of it is.

I go into all of this in a better way in the link on the main page here, called “Where I Found My Healing”

I didn’t sit down to write about my faith but some how it just all poured out of me as I stared at my screen. Sometimes when I write, I am overcome with so much to say, so many ideas, that I just keep going and going. Writing for me is therapy.

I’ve been following my psychiatrist’s instructions entirely, taking my medications on time and correctly, I’ve been getting great sleep, making structure, avoiding drugs and alcohol, which I don’t use anyway…but you see, not complying to all of these things results in manic relapse. At 19, I first heard the word mania and learned what it really meant. I learned it during my 4 or 5 hospitalizations in 2004.

Anyways, if you have read all of this, I thank you! I appreciate you so much. In conclusion, I guess I could just say that stress can lead to Bipolar symptoms or behaviors as well. I’ve found myself very stressed lately and a little irritable. I’m working on it. I’m coping.

God bless ❤

*Image 2, via Google