All my life I’ve struggled with anxiety, but particularly body focused anxiety.
In the Supreme Court of my bedroom, the Mirror is the highest Judge.
As I slipped on the cozy, black sweater I’d bought 2 years ago, I noticed how my arms fit so smoothly, so easily into the sleeves. I could feel the loosened mid-section as well. The weight I’ve lost since then made the sweater fit better, but still yet…not to my liking.
My eyes met my reflection in our bedroom mirror, and I was cool with it as I scanned downward… Instantly, as in days of old, the imperfections stood out, as if in bright lights. My mid section, and lower abdominal area did not look appropriate for wearing that shirt, or any shirt for that matter! I was appalled. But then I noticed, I remembered. A moment of clarity! Today I have moments of clarity because of all the spiritual growth and effort put into the recovery of years ago!
In the moment of clarity, I backed away from the mirror and I thought to myself…I thought about how many insults, and self-inflicted pains I’d put on my body in younger years, and how I’m nearing 30. I am not that girl. I am a woman now with eyes wide open. Just as the dynamics of relationships change over time, so does the relationship we have with ourselves. I was not about to attack my own ship today.
I recalled this pathetic and saddening article about how a bunch of artists in New York or someplace in our country had painted on a pair of pants on this young woman. The goal was to make it look like she was wearing the tightest set of blue leggings, clinging to her skin. Well, she was wearing a thong to cover a spec of herself. To see this on my main search engine was very discouraging. Discouraging for me…and so many others. I thought the struggle was bad when I was a teen, but it seems things are so much worse for today’s youth. The shock value gets yanked up higher and higher…Pretty soon we’re gonna be off scale…
So, in conclusion, I chose not to listen to the voices of society. In a world so full of pure lust, hatred, competition, and plain evil, there are still good people around. Remember, we are all just fine as we are. I ain’t taking no crap…no mo’
I am wonderfully and fearfully made by God almighty. The Father, The Creator who has made everything from trees, to rivers, stars and flowers…made me. God knows what He’s doing. This world obviously doesn’t. The message of God is love, while the message of the world is self-hatred…and for people to love money, and love themselves more than other people.
Yes, I brought my faith into this post-simply because everything roots back to our God. My point is, would God have told me I looked ugly or stupid in my sweater? I know the 18 year old me would have shouted it!
We must remember our standards are nothing like His…God sees perfection, and sometimes we see just see defect.
We are beautiful! Celebrate yourself. 🙂